July 19, 2026.

Well, that was something. Remember back in July 2024 when you turned a near death experience into a slam dunk election win because America saw how tough you were (When Hulk Hogan screams it during the Republican National Convention, it’s gotta be true!)  Plus, explaining that the missed shot was an act of God was nothing short of brilliant.

Also, on the heels of that awful debate performance by J’Biden, America was ready for change but choosing Kamala to fill in was a gift because, well, you know she’s a woman, and well, black, and also supposedly kinda Asian.

But, that’s all over now, you won the electoral college (yes, giving $500. cash to every registered voter in the seven swing states was questionable but the results speak for themselves). So what that you lost the popular vote again, Democracy is for losers and suckers.

But boy, have you and JD had a busy two years putting your plans into action.

You were right about all that future thinking, environmental nonsense being a giant waste of money. The Green New Scam, man, you sure put Al Gore in his place. By rolling back those pesky environmental regulations, ending all subsidies for alternative energy and drillin’, baby drillin’ you have lowered gas prices by at least 40 cents a gallon, 45 in some states.

And my brand new RAM 1500 TRX, 8 Cyinder, 4WD thanks you because at 12 miles to the gallon it’s only $130 to fill the tank instead of the original $143. That’s 13 dollars I can save for a new AR-15.

But please don’t stop there, aren’t there plenty of shithole countries you can invade so gas prices can go even lower? Of course there are. Just DM Chevron CEO Mike Wirth if you need a list.

And when your 1.5 trillion-dollar tax overhaul from 2017 expired in 2025, you were able to justify a next generation tax plan where the top earners got the financial benefits they truly deserved. I’m sure, just like you promised, the money will trickle down eventually.

Then there’s the deportations of all those bad hombres. No one thought you would actually follow through with using the national guard to round up 11 million undocumented people but you did it and so what if the economy tanked and so many died, those people will no longer be able to poison the blood of the country. You really did Make America Great Again.

Then there’s all the money you saved with your brilliant isolationist foreign policy decisions. Defunding NATO, Ukraine, and Israel saved a boatload of cash and we all know that the current craziness in Europe will eventually settle down. I mean, how many countries can your buddy Putin conquer? He has to get tired of all that messy killing eventually.

And back here in America your immediate repeal of that commie Obamacare and closing the Department of Education means that we are healthier and smarter than ever.

Sure, it seems like the opposite would happen but I know when you bring out Trumpcare it will be far superior and yes, the past two years might have been hard for 45 million Americans without health care but think of all the money they saved.

And don’t get me started about how necessary it was to change up the schools. Appointing Ron Desantis as education secretary (after Betsy DeVos declined saying she was too busy dismantling evil public schools) to remake American education was brilliant. Mandatory bible study, banning all that affirmative action nonsense, jailing teachers who talk about race or gender or sexuality.

I mean, did you hear about that teacher in Sonoma, California who thought that it would be OK to teach about how fossil fuels and plastic and screens are killing us? Encouraging students to find their authentic selves and even wrote a blog so full of liberal ideas that Donald made a special visit to the school and had two words for him, “You’re Fired!”

So thanks, Donald, for all the fabulous hard work, even while dropping ten strokes off your golf game (I think that’s what you reported on Truth Social).  You certainly proved JD wrong after he called you “America’s Hitler” in 2017.

You are a force of nature, a phenomenon, one of a kind.

And I don’t mean that in a good way.