I’m not a huge fan of data or report cards. When UC Santa Cruz bagged traditional grades and went with teacher evaluations, I applauded. When they went back to grades in 2001, I understood the reasons but it’s kind of like America adopting the metric system. A better way falls victim to business as usual because systematic change is hard. Hmmmmm.

That being said, business is far from usual so it’s time for the one-year COVID report card.

Little Donnie- D-. Likes to bully and intimidate, does not play well with others, little empathy or interest in doing the work. Only reason he did not fail this class is because his abhorrent behavior woke America up about MeToo, BLM, Racism, Class Struggles, and how a polarized, hateful, money-focused society fails. Suspended for trying to bribe his teachers and inciting a riot on the playground.

J’Biden-B+. Joey is a pleasure to have in class. He is respectful of others, helps when asked and supportive of his classmates. He is having some problems unifying the class but as long as he keeps positive, things will improve.

Bill Gates-A. Class valedictorian. The gold standard in billionaire philanthropists. Leader, scientist, inspiration to have in class.

Anthony Fauci-A-. Overcame a very dark period with transparency and trusting science. Did not cower to little Donnie’s bullying and provided a realistic counter to Lysol injections.

Gav-O Newsom-B. Went from wildfires to mudslides to the pandemic, was pretty honest and engaged with each crisis then he thought a nice dinner would be OK, it was not.

Andrew Cuomo– Incomplete. Anyone in a position of authority who’s creepy behavior makes numerous people uncomfortable should not be in a position of authority.

John Krasinski-A+. The class clown killed it when we needed him most.

Dr. Seuss-A-. Brought another Seussian lesson to the classroom. The world is not perfect but understanding our past and learning from it is the place you should go.

Teachers in general-B. We know you are doing your best but the deck was stacked against you and trying to succeed at something brand new while using the same organizational structure was impossible. We did fly the plane while building it and thanks goodness Betsy Devoss was there to provide such excellent guidance (sarcasm is the lowest form of wit).

Teachers, me in specific-C-. Doesn’t apply himself enough, that joke about every day being the first day of distance learning stopped being funny in the first week, does minimum work then whines when nobody praises him. Grow up slacker, you’re not in the minors anymore.

Parents-A+. Way to step it up when necessary. You became teachers, tech leaders, providers, supporters, motivators, and all the while keeping your job and sanity and optimistic outlook. The reward, new insight and connection with the family, priceless.

MeToo, BLM, Social Movements-A. The new kids. Welcome to the class, now stop doomscrolling and get to work.

Proud Boys, White Nationalists, Capitol Domestic Terrorists-F. Expelled for not evolving, following lies and terrorizing America.

Corona virus-Incomplete. Will we learn or repeat? Will we overhaul our medical system and educational system and political system and fight the next global challenge together? “Let the virus be your teacher” it’s more than a sign on the road in downtown Bolinas.

Money-D. Bitcoin, Gamestop, Dogecoin, 1.9 Trillion, 4.5 Trillion… All I want is a satisfying place to work which compensates me in a fair way so I can afford to raise my family. The rest is all background noise in the house of cards.

Unity-A. Finally, we figure out what other species have known forever. United We Stand, divided we support angry, violent leaders and crazy ideas (I think that’s how the saying goes).

The future-Incomplete. Too early to grade.  Listen to Elvis, “Yesterday’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chip paper”. There’s no going back but if we go forward in the right way the ride will be spectacular. Optimism, Empathy, Hard Work, Resilience.

Overall GPA: 2.91, a solid B with a few incompletes which need attention. A big improvement from the overall C- of last semester. Great for a pandemic but now it’s time to come out of hibernation and get on with life.