I’m going with January 27 as the day that our president goes full Nixon and finally tires of this failed experiment. Yes, it’s bold and a little optimistic but c’mon, by then the shutdown, Mueller, Congress, the economy, the lawsuits, the taxes, the lying, the racism, the misogyny and the general yuckiness of the last two years will have hopefully sunk his 40% approval rating and he will step down thus avoiding prosecution ala tricky Dick.

 

Course, that’s a couple of weeks away and in Trump time it could mean, well, anything.

 

Remember the flaming bag of poo? Not as popular now but back in the day you would take a brown sandwich bag, fill it full of dog feces (or some of what is being left all over our national parks), set it on someone’s doorstep who had seriously wronged you, light it on fire and run away to a spot where you could watch the person who had wronged you go through the natural stages of panic usually ending with the stomping of the bag.

 

I still believe our president is a flaming bag of poo on the doorstep of America, but two years in I want to add that the bag is not only full of feces but a parade of tiny mentally disabled clowns who have kept us firmly focused on the wrong things for the last two years. From Stormy to the Mooch to Ditzy Devos to whatever nickname you want to call Scott Pruitt, the tabloids can hardly keep up. It’s the Real World Washington where twitter makes all things possible. America, we deserve better.

 

“I’ll just shut the whole thing down, blame the Democrats and pout and tweet while 800,000 people go without paychecks.” Said no rational leader ever. And all over a campaign promise which will do little to solve a huge immigration problem.

 

But enough of that. Forget the president, he’s a symptom, a debilitating, life-threatening virus that rational minds will either eradicate or continue to suffer under. The real problem in our country, yes, you know where I’m going with this, is Kim Kardashian’s nipple.

 

Did you see the nip slip? Of course you did and there in lies the problem. I clicked on the intriguing headline on SF Gate and was instantly thrown into the vortex of what I like to call “the reason it’s all going to shit”.

 

I know of the Kardashians through my wife’s late night TMZ updates on her phone when she can’t sleep. I know of Kanye because of his Kanyeness (Obama’s three word review of Kanye is all you need to know). I like that Bruce Jenner became his authentic self but as I tell my trans and gay students, don’t define yourself by your sexuality, you are more than that.

 

While swirling in the Kardashian vortex I saw what a million and a half will do to transform an LA mansion into a winter wonderland.  I learned that Kylie Jenner is the world’s youngest self-made billionaire because of her cosmetics company (brilliant strategy: take hourly selfies of you using things like, “eat cake glitter eyes” cosmetics, post on instagram and snapchat, shovel buckets of money into your account).

 

Forbes calls it “leveraging her social media following” and it is exactly why we have a bully-baby man leading the country. See, when I clicked on the Kardashian story I became part of the growing problem. My click was registered by SF Gate which means SF Gate runs more stories about the Kardashians which means more money for Kylie which means less time and interest in things that really matter like oh, you know the list.

 

Isn’t it time to grow up and move on to more important things? Time to put on our big boy pants and put a billion dollars (or 1.5 million) into something with a little more value than vanity?

 

It’s going to be a tumultuous January full of more useless bipartisan bickering, potential financial collapse, and the very real possibility of president Pence. When the dust settles, hopefully rational minds will emerge with their vision for America ready for implementation (love me some AOC, she’s like a spunky, dancing, filter less Bernie Sanders).

 

January 27, place your bets America.

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