My nuts are small this year.
OK, so, yes, I’m trying to achieve a little laughter through shock value in my writing, kinda like my favorite thematic unit about increasing estrogen levels titled, “Plastic is making your penis smaller”. Appropriate? Not a chance. Effective? Maybe.
Of course the nuts I’m referring to are the walnuts that fall in abundance every year here at Casa Williams in beautiful Boyes Hot Springs. They’re smaller this year, and I don’t mean like a little smaller, they’re about half their normal size. Yes it could be alternate bearing or drought but I fear this is what it will be. Koyaanisqatsi, you know the story.
Are you just getting over spending two weeks inside, moving from home to car to work, recirculating the air, calculating each day how many cigarettes you have theoretically smoked, moving slow, taking lots of naps, feeling generally poopie?
Welcome to the new normal. Apocalyptic weather, plastic pollution, toxic water, and don’t even get me started about cow farts.
But we’re smart people, planning for our new sustainable American infrastructure, limiting plastic production and oil consumption, cleaning our waterways and focusing on the real issues which will move our world forward, I mean, it’s just common sense right? Ummmmmm.
Well, let’s get back to my nuts. It’s funny, and when was the last time you laughed, like really laughed, like my brother in law who once got kicked off a plane because he was laughing uncontrollably (he laughs like Horseshack from Welcome Back Kotter-go ahead and Google it, I’ll wait).
So how do we laugh when all we want to do is cry? Simple, get off and get out. Take the family to San Francisco and ride those crazy scooters (cheap, dangerous and a ton of fun), hang out with funny people and babies and kittens and puppies. Embarrass your children with games like Cards against Humanity. Or ask your friends, wife or son, “What makes you laugh.” And do that.
Write funny and uplifting holiday stories like this one from my good friend John Moss http://www.metroactive.com/bohemian/12.16.09/openmic-0950.html. Wear funny clothes (I have a faux fir that was my mother in-laws which I once wore as a joke but now wear every chance I get). And most importantly, turn your RBF into Resting Laughing Face.
Laughing oxygenates your blood, releases endorphins, decreases cortisol, strengthens your immune system, burns calories, raises your mood, increases circulation, reduces pain and strengthens human connection. People who laugh also attract people and don’t we all need a little more of that?
Laughter also dislodges emotion and getting emotional is good. People who suppress their emotions die of cancer (OK, I made that one up but in the thanks Fake News Era does it matter?).
The holidays are depressing for many and if you are relying on social media for your view of the world then good luck in the cheering up department. It’s not all Facebook’s fault although if they are really trying to connect the world by selling $200. Oculus Rift VR devices it might be time to rework the mission statement (go with the Facebook Portal this Christmas instead, or better yet go on a real trip to see real friends and real relatives).
And is there anyone who still doesn’t understand that social media is an oxymoron? We do not become closer and better understand each other by living in the virtual world. We become closer and better understand each other by meeting people for drinks after work at the Swiss Hotel and talking about real life. Because life can be painful and full of sorrow and tragedy…but wait wasn’t this a story about laughter?
I have a “Loser Loop” which plays in my ADD brain whenever things go south. And because I like to do a lot of things, some of them go south. I used to throw pity parties and self-medicate and whine and complain but now I just learn, plan and laugh.
Can I really do anything about my nuts being small this year? No, but I can understand it, write about it, and laugh about it with friends. And if enough of those friends agree then eventually the ship will start moving in the right direction.